"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Monday, May 23, 2011

School Again?

I finally got into the math class I have been trying to take for two semesters now!! Math is hard when you haven't taken it for 6 years....It was such a struggle to get into, and now that I am in it is a struggle to do my review homework! I actually broke down and cried yesterday because I was so frustrated. With math? Really? That is my best and favorite subject. Of course, my mother was there to rescue me. Just a phone call away, and all was well. The sad thing is that I did this just last week with my dad on my way home from class. It is everything all added up. I have never worked full time and gone to school, nor have I ever had to pay for tuition, nor have I had to go to school in the summer. It has been so hard not to look back and say "I should have done this, I should have done that" with what I studied in college. Life really does teach so many lessons. I loved my business major, but once I started working in the business world I liked it less and less, until I am to the point where I basically do not want anything to do with it...Hence, my education direction. But, no I have to relearn what I have already learned, I have to pay for what I have already paid for, and I have to do the work I have already done. I must admit that this process of discovery of where I want to go has been very trying and depressing and I am constantly unsure of myself, but then there are nights like last night where I feel like I finally have it figured out and I am on track with where I want to be. Marriage and planning for our future family has completely changed my life. The decisions and planning and trying to ensure it works out so that we are happy can be rough. But, the trying times really make life that much better, and I have become so much stronger. I also hate to admit that it is those times that make me turn back to the obvious, my Heavenly Father. I should never let any distance come between us, but sometimes I do. I know he has the answers and all I have to do is ask, but it often does not feel that easy. But when I struggle through it and do my part, he really offers so much comfort and direction. In the end it always comes back to the truth that is recurring in our lives-Everything happens for a reason. When we focus on that and the good that comes from it, the bad is never bad anymore.

So, I am overcoming my temporary lack of mathematical skills by focusing on those few things. Perseverance doesn't hurt either. Zach and I have discovered that as we explore our options about every two months. There is always the temptation to do something else, but really, we already know we are on the right path, we just need to complete that path before we head down another one. So next time I get discouraged, I just need to come re-read these words of wisdom that seem to put it all back in perspective.

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