"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Monday, February 27, 2012

Happy

Tonight I am feeling so happy. I love my life and my routine and all that is going on. Since this blog is now my journal, I figured to remember this feeling I better make a note of it.
I don't know if it is because Lindsey and Tanner came over and hung out for a while, I talked to Jenny for a brief minute, I messaged Amanda, I chatted with Zach and he is coming home Friday, or just everything put together, but I am overwhelmed with how great my life is. I turned on my music as I got in the shower and was so content. I have the best family in the world, my relationship with Zach amazes me everyday, with how well we get along and how things just work between us, and we have such an exciting future. When times get tough, I want to look back and remember that I have also had the best of times too, and be grateful for my life and my experiences.

A foam roller

Frustration has led to a foam roller, which has led to pain, which will hopefully lead to relief.
I am officially on a marathon training schedule, mingled with biking and swimming to make a marathon/Olympic triathlon schedule. I am loving it. By the way, I tried my first spin class a few weeks ago and fell in love. I now have changed my work schedule to go Monday and Thursday nights. It's awesome. The only problem is dealing with my knee. The right knee to be exact. After a few doctor visits, chiropractor visits, various shoes, I have turned to the foam roller. It kills and my leg is sore afterward, but I can feel the tightness and that gives me hope that I can decrease the pain. All the articles online of runners with a similar issue also give me hope. I know I can run a marathon, and I'm quite sure I can hit my goal time, and my fitness level is right where I want it, so my knee is my main trial to overcome. And overcome it I will.

On a lighter note, Z-dub gets home on Friday!! I realized that I don't have as much to blog about without him around to change up my days. Right now I work, work out, ski, repeat. Which I thoroughly enjoy, but there aren't many ways to make that more interesting to write about. Who knows if it will change much when he gets home, but I am sure I will have more desire to talk about our life so I don't sound so self-absorbed just blogging about myself and my days over and over...to be honest I am hoping for an announcement to be coming in the near future...once that comes, I am sure there will be more interesting things to note.

Come to think of it though, once I expand my thinking beyond my everyday self, there are some fun events coming up. We are in the process of planning a trip to Hawaii!! Yay! Zach is going for work and I am tagging along...and going crazy because we don't have all the info for him yet, which prevents me from planning. Such a crisis, I know. After that, Da Linds is getting married! Her wedding is going to be beautiful, I can already tell and I am way excited for all the family to get together. I purposely don't think about them moving far away though...
Another new thing is I am teaching Sunbeams at church, with my first lesson ocurring yesterday. Uh yeah, talk about frustration! It is so hard to keep their attention and really help them learn the concepts I am talking about. After the lesson though, I actually thought it went pretty well and felt rewarding. I will admit that I have honestly thought about getting released (I have been in about a month and a half, but haven't taught due to the schedule, stake conference, and getting sick). Sometimes I just want to focus on me learning the gospel in Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society, and I want to meet the people in our ward instead of going straight to Primary after Sacrament where I basically babysit and do not interact with other adults much. At this point in the thought process though, I always come back to my testimony of faith in God and his purpose for doing things. And it totally makes sense...I am preparing for motherhood, so why not be in nursery for two years then move up to 3 year olds? Why not figure out how to best teach them gospel principles? Why not attempt to become a little bit crafty and creative? I am going to do it eventually anyway, I might as well get a head start. Plus, it keeps me familiar with children, which is good, because I rarely have interaction with them elsewhere. The struggles are sure to come with my own children, so I should learn how to overcome them some now. See, Heavenly Father knows what he is doing. :)

What was going to turn into a little post has become quite an update and spattering of thoughts, but I think when I look back, it will be nice to remember what was going on at this point in life.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Valentine's Day



What does a wife do when her husband is 1,302 miles across the country on Valentine's day? She sends him a man package and babysits 3 wonderful nephews and her beautiful niece.



All day I was thinking of my husband. Right when I woke up til I went to bed. And at work, when I did get busy for a minute, the flowers he had delivered showed up and reminded me again of my sweet lover. As I read the note he sent with it, I almost teared up. I typically contribute my overproductive tear ducts to hormones and effects of birth control or something, but this genuinely was because I felt his love, even from that far away. We texted and called each other more on the love day. I had a heightened awareness for how much I miss him, how deeply I truly love him, and how bad I want him to come home. I love my husband, my best friend, my eternal companion. He really is my everything and I feel lost without him. With him gone, my days and activities seem to have no real purpose to them....This sounds like some love song or poem, but these are real feelings. It is the strangest thing to experience, but I feel that I am learning more about love through this separation.


I am very thankful to have Nate and Meg's family so close. I went over there after work (and after Tanner had texted me 4 times and made me feel like a million bucks because the kids couldn't wait). They had a Valentine for me, a box of chocolates. Little Zach had written me a Valentine, which was followed by an impersonation of big Zach. Cam showed me his Valentine candy and balloons from his sweetheart who is crushing on him, and I made a pasta and cheese dinner for the kids. We picked out a movie and I let them all have treats to keep my "favorite aunt" status. We snuggled on the couch and watched Leap Year until I sent them to brush their teeth and go to bed. If I couldn't be with Zach, that was the next best thing.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Time for a...baby?

The house is coming together, Zach has an awesome job that he loves, I have a great job and am planning to start my Master's next month (and hopefully complete it in record time), and we have been married 2 1/2 years. I can honestly say that I love my life. I am so completely happy and feel so blessed. I try so hard to genuinely thank my Heavenly Father for all that I am blessed with, because I want him to know that I recognize how wonderful my life is.

Last year when Zach and I talked about having children, we agreed that this coming Spring would probably be a good time. Around November I got the itch to start trying, but always came back to the conclusion to wait until Zach was more on board. We have always believed that we would feel the time is right at the same time.

When Zach was leaving for training, we discussed briefly me getting off birth control, but decided to wait until he got home in March to decide. A few weeks ago, on Sunday, I woke up and thought that I need to get off birth control now. That didn't really make much sense, so I briefly daydreamed about children, then forgot about it. The next Sunday, I woke up and went to search the time frame for some military training on my phone. When I googled it, the timing for having a baby and getting pregnant came up. Totally weird. I was thinking "What the heck! How did my search bring that up?" But I, with my increasing curiousity on the subject, clicked on the link and starting learning more about ovulation and the percentage of couples that get pregant within x number of months of trying. At this point I had the strong feeling to get off birth control again. I quickly attributed it to my excitement to have a baby, but then realized last week the same thing happened. I had prayed about it the week before, but didn't have a definite answer. So all day Sunday, I thought about it and prayed about it. Really, I wasn't wanting to get off b.c. until Zach got back because I think it would be good to have a baby after Christmas. The thought wouldn't leave my mind though. I mentioned it to Zach, and we had a pretty serious conversation, but made no decisions. All week I thought and prayed, and still came to the conclusion to get off birth control now.

I had my last pack of b.c. and made up my mind that I was still going to call in my new prescription. The day I was going to call in, I realized that I had been given answer after answer to just get off of it now, so I decided to listen. I feel like sometimes I can't really tell what is the Spirit and what is my mind, but if I think back, I can say exactly what times I know it has been the Spirit, and this feeling definitely fit that category. So...I didn't call in my prescription. :) (I did confirm this choice with Zach, of course.)

Zach is more stressed about the money and job security, but I feel like we have prepared the best we can. I have gone over the budget and our savings and projected expenditures, and I think that we are set up very well. He realizes that adds to my confidence, and so we are planning to go over it together so he can be more comfortable with our financial situation. We would obviously have more money the longer we both stayed working, but I think paying attention to the spiritual side of when we are ready is just as important.

Zach confirmed my decision even more yesterday. He was telling me about his day, the cutbacks the military is planning to make and how it could affect us, and then he told me that he was sitting in class thinking about kids. Since we had just gotten done talking about the possibility of his job not being as secure as we would hope, I assumed he was going to say it isn't the right time for kids. BUT, it was just the opposite! He said despite all that, he felt like the time is right for us to start having children.

As Zach has been gone, he has continued to impress me over and over with his maturity and responsibility. I almost feel like when we are together day to day, I have these opinions of Zach, and they don't ever change because I am never distanced from the situation. Now that he is gone and I am seeing things from afar, I feel like I have previously underestimated how amazing he really is. That sounds bad, like I didn't think he was amazing, which I assure you, I totally did. It's just that I am somewhat of a perfectionist and expect him to do everything a certain way, my way, which is the right way in my mind (of course). I am now realizing more than before how he is completely capable of all that I expect and more and he does it without me hounding him about it. It is such an eye opener that I am quite possibly the one in the wrong when I go to point my finger at him...

So here we are. Today would be the day that I would start a new pack of birth control pills, but I'm not. I still would prefer not to get pregnant in March when he gets home, but....I am open to what the Lord has in store for us.