"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Sunday, April 15, 2012

WLC graduation

Zach has graduated from yet another training school. This one was particularly painful because 1) he had been gone for two months, came home for three weeks, and was leaving for another two weeks and 2) He was literally five miles away the entire time but could not come home.

This separation was almost worse than the two months! He was in Missouri over Valentine's, and now he was at WLC on my birthday. The lucky thing for us though, was that his graduation was on my actual birthday and he was allowed to leave for a few hours. We had time to go to dinner, but I was totally bummed because we tried Lehi's infamous Porter's Place, and were sorely disappointed...His actual graduation was pretty cool. He had told me which door to come in, so I followed his instructions. It was locked. But apparently someone heard me try to get in and they opened it for me. In I walked, in front of like 500 people, after I had made a huge racket, right when the ceremony was supposed to start. I tried not to make eye contact and find the closest available seat, which happened to be almost the farthest back row. When I finally sat down, I found Zach looking at me, and I scolded him silently. He could have just told me to come in the same door as everyone else and not make an entrance!

There were a ton more graduates than I realized. I managed to inconspicuously snag a few pics as he headed on stage.

I got to finally meet some of his team members after the graduation. The only problem was that he always calls them by their last name, and they all introduced themselves by their first names, so I couldn't even connect names and faces...

This training down, one more to go until promotion! Yay!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Not Prego!

Well, the results are in...officially not pregnant. I took a test 4 days after my "missed" period and I was sure it was positive...but it was negative. I seriously thought I must have drank too much water or something because I had to be. Nope. Today Auntie Flo visited, almost a full week late. This is the first time in years, yes YEARS, that I have been late. Go figure it is the month we start trying for a baby. And go figure that all my body issues aren't because of pregnancy...so yeah, that whole list I had...still isn't normal so I am wondering what is going on with me...
Of course I was disappointed with the results because I couldn't help but get a little excited and hopeful. I actually felt a little confused in an overall sense or rather in awe at how God works. I know I was supposed to get off birth control when we did, but who really knows why it was then? Maybe my body will take a while to get off the medicine. Maybe we needed the extra time to truly let the enormity of the decision sink in. I can see so many reasons why this isn't the month I get pregnant.
For example, maybe I need to be a little more surprised when we find out, just for the sake of excitement (I love suprises, but my habit of planning and knowing everything can sometimes prevent that). Or maybe I just needed to really hear the disappointment in Zach's voice when I told him I wasn't pregnant. That could be it, because it shows me that he is really ready and it isn't just me pushing for this, because I would hate if I felt like that was how we started out family. Originally, I thought it would be better to have a baby after Christmas. Maybe Zach and I need a few more months of just us two...Who knows! There are endless possibilities to God's timing, but I know whatever happens happens for a reason and my life is blessed regardless.

What a little email can do...

I received a sweet email from a dear friend today. It was the perfect email to give me the direction I have been looking for over the last week or so. I have been having a hard time trying to figure out if we were meant to have kids right now, if I should pursue my Masters degree through my work, or if I should use Zach's VA benefits to take some math classes and prepare to become a teacher. I have been a huge jumble of thoughts, and Zach has been gone at training which has made it all a lot harder because I don't have my partner here to talk things through. I feel like Nicole's email helped me to clear my head. She is such a great friend and example of keeping the gospel in the forefront of your life. She updated me on what they have been doing and it made me realize that among all the other things I think of in life, I desire very most to be an amazing mother and wife and to have a strong testimony. Somehow her quick email update helped me to remember that everything else will fall into place if you work at those things. It is strange to me that a simple email to keep in touch could help clarify my direction so well. Thank you Nicole for your sweet friendship.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Pregnant?

Ever since (and before!) I got off of birth control, I have been googling pregnancy stuff like crazy. There is so much I don't know, or things I get curious about. I googled all about conception and ovulation, and even though I knew the obvious basics, I couldn't have told you the specifics. I tried to figure out when my ovulation would be, just to see and maybe a little part of me wanted to "try." I realized as I talked to Zach about these things it was a little less than romantic, so I stopped obsessing over when I might be able to get pregnant. Now, two weeks after that window of time, I have taken two pregnancy tests (knowing quite well it couldn't work that early...from google :)) and I have been paying attention to my body like crazy. The only problem has been that it seems like my symptoms could be attributed to many other things...
I have been WAY tired - but I have been getting less sleep than normal and I can barely function without my full 8 hours.
I have been extremely bloated - this one is depressing. I even went mostly off of sugar for two weeks to help my body because I developed a bad candy habit when Zach was gone (his disapproval helps me control my addiction), but it didn't help. I wondered if it was weight gain, but didn't understand how that could be with my diet and training for a tri and marathon. And then of course, my period could be just around the corner...so how do you know?!
Gassy - embarassing, I know. But this has been a noticeable change over the last week or so, so I looked it up. At first, I thought it wasn't a symptom, but quickly found out that it is. I hope that is my excuse!
My pits have been kinda sweaty - maybe it's the weather, my environment, or perhaps my body changes. Whatever it is, I don't like it.
I pee A TON - but then again, I have been drinking a ton.....
I'm hungry - this isn't exactly new because I eat a lot always, but I have been trying to cut the amount of my intake a little because I wasn't sure if I was burning all the calories I was taking in...or I have something growing in my belly!
I get little cramps occasionally - this could be a full bladder or empty stomach or "that time of the month," so I still don't know if it's two lines on a stick just yet.
My face is oily - like wipe it off and I can see it on my hand like sweat, but it's oil. This could be period, springtime coming, or baby coming.
Lack of interest in sweets - could my two week hiatus really cure me of a 22 year addiction?
I could have gotten an early detection test, but I am cheap and more importantly, Zach is gone at training, so I might as well wait as long as I can. If I found out by myself and wasn't able to talk to him, that's a pretty big secret to keep and I want him to be the first to know.
So there you have it. I may or may not be pregnant with our firstborn. This week we should know!