"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Thursday, June 28, 2012

11 weeks

I'm trying to decide if I really want to post something at every week mile mark...Maybe when it gets redundant I'll just throw the pics up...who knows.

But this is me: the night before I hit 11 weeks.

Yeahhhh, check that bump out. I purposely took this picture when I was feeling exceptionally large, after a big meal and a day full of eating, to send to my husband while he was away and have him stare in awe at his wife's quick transformation to big belly-ness. I'm still convinced it is mainly bloating but then the little voice in my head says that it is probably the In-N-Out burger runs I have come to like (I've only gone twice, so don't judge me yet). In fact, it kinda stinks because I just feel pudgy, but then I try to think of what's going on in there and what's changing.

The biggest thing I noticed this week that is different (I'm still sick and tired a lot) is my hormone roller coaster has started a little bit. I almost teared up a few times at the office when a lady I work closely with was short with me. Then I got all worked up and heated over the work gossip - not something that normally gets to me. Then talking to my husband about work frustrations, I started tearing up and tried to compose myself. I'm a pretty even-tempered girl, so this isn't my favorite feeling. At least of I have something to blame it on...

Hopefully next week Zach can take the picture, because I hate taking pictures of myself in the mirror...by the way I don't always wear workout clothes. It's just when I wear them I see my belly poking out and actually think to take a pic!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A Jackpot Father's Day

Zach hit the jackpot this Father's Day...a grill AND a lawnmower! What more can a guy ask for, really? It's true, my husband is hopelessly spoiled and gets most things he mentions that he wants. (Although, I am still holding out on an upgraded road bike.) However, when a man is sweet, works hard, loves hard, and everything in between, how can I deny him? It just doesn't happen, even when I act all strict and stingy, the money still leaves the bank account and the desired goods end up at our house.
Luckily in this case, I benefit from both. :)

He told me thanks for helping him feel like a man. Anything for you, babe.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Getting a Yard

Landscaping at a brand new house is expensive! It was so hard to swallow the cost, but we finally got a sprinkler system, our two concrete pads poured, our curbing done, and our grass in! We are in the process of deciding what kind of plant and tree look we want, but I am hoping to get that figured out soon and really feel complete. I am also hoping someone buys the lot next door and builds a house soon, so that we can both go in on a fence! I am so glad that the other two sides were already done when we moved in, because I probably would have some sort of breakdown if I had to spend 1/3 of my salary on a fence...

Thanks to my mom for getting a few shots of our overgrown weed patch. They started to clear it before we knew, or else we could have documented out jungle of a front yard just a little better. There are a lot of pics, and after the fact it doesn't seem a big deal, but this was quite the process.

Zach was feeling pretty beat by this point. He started before we had any help and ended up working for 10 hours straight. Just check out his face and you will understand...

Just testing out the new grass and throwing around a football. I don't know what we would have done if Tanner and Cameron hadn't come to help! They were life savers, and afterward thanked us for giving them something to do!

I am so happy every time I drive up and see our pretty grass. I imagine all the fun times we will spend out there with our family. We are so blessed.

My Cool Husband

Zach is in LA this week. Another training exercise. It's been pretty hard having him gone this time. He had a hard time leaving and that made it harder for me. Plus, I think since I have been feeling crummy, I have started to rely on his support and love and offers of help. Now I have no one to whine to. This is probably a good thing, but it still stinks missing him.

At least he has been able to send me quick snippets of what they are up to...and let me just say, Zach is pretty hard core. I hear the stories of his day to day job, but pictures make it all so much more real!

This is him and SSG Poulson "sling loading," whatever that is...I have to ask on our phone call tonight...regardless, it looks pretty intense.
This is the pic I got after they had just climbed up a rope ladder to the "gangway" (another term I do not really know what it is) of the ship, which is like 80 feet up. When I got this text, I just thought of a bunch of guys with buff upper body muscles dangling from a rope on the side of a ship. I'm not sure if that's really how it went down, but that's what I envisioned...
I know there are hard days at the job, but I am so glad that Zach loves it! The traveling is really cool, even with the sucky side. I am glad he gets to see so many places and learn so many new things. Plus, when he is gone, I always realize again why I love him so much and how his company is the greatest.

10 Weeks

I hit 10 weeks on Wednesday! A quarter of the way through already! We took my first belly picture and I really wish we had started at 8 weeks or so because my belly started poking out around 8 1/2-9 weeks. I'm all sorts of confused because everyone said that since I am tall and it's my first baby, I probably wouldn't show until like 18-20 weeks. But, I'm getting bigger!
This is actually a slimmer picture. I know it is probably mostly bloating, but my clothes already don't fit well and my belly always feels uncomfortable. On Friday, I tried on 6 different shirts until I found one that didn't make me look like I had just gained ten pounds over the last week. So, that night I went maternity shopping. I got a cute skirt, that wasn't maternity, but it could be probably. I did find some cute stuff online that I need to track down and try on.
I was so sure that I had really gained those 10 pounds because my love handles were getting bigger and my bottoms were so much tighter, and of course there is my protruding belly. But, I finally got the courage to weigh myself, and I have only gained 2! This made me feel better because I was afraid that my eat-all-the-time diet was catching up to me already!
My sickness has been pretty terrible. I am constantly feeling yucky, and constantly eating to try and make it go away. I have only thrown up once, which I am pretty happy about, because it was not fun! I had apple cider for breakfast the next morning because that is all I could stomach.
I'm a total bum, so today I made sure I went on a 35 minute bike ride (which by my normal terms is pretty inconsequential). It was really good, but I came home and slept for an hour (after 9.5 hours last night). Then I went to the library, laid by the pool, went to the grocery store, and came home on the couch for a few more hours! I was finally able to pull myself off the couch and go for a walk. Exercise really helps a ton of course, it's just the act of getting up and doing it that has gotten hard. Every normal day to day thing makes me so tired. I had all sorts of cleaning and cooking plans for this weekend, but not much has happened...maybe tomorrow...
In fact, today I was wondering how you do it after you have your first child...I watched some lady with a little boy at the pool today. She was all bubbly and fun and interactive and I thought "If I already had a kid and was pregnant, and felt how I do right now, there is NO WAY I could play like that at the pool!" But then I thought that you probably adapt as time goes on and after you know what pregnancy feels like.
My skin is not looking too good...which I will of course blame on being pregnant. My chest is always breaking out and my face has been getting lots of pimples and feels more oily. Not really much I can do about that....
I checked out some pregnancy books today. But, I have googled so many things with pregnancy already that they aren't teaching me anything new or profound.
I can say that I am excited for the yucky/tired stuff to subside, hopefully in the next week or two. I love checking the size of our baby at each new week checkpoint. I try to imagine all that is happening in there and it blows my mind. I can't wait until our first appointment! One week from Tuesday.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Life as a pregnant lady

I complain for at least the first half of this post, so if you just want happy news, feel free to skip the first bit... :)

I just hit 9 weeks on Wednesday. This pregnancy thing isn't going by very fast! I can contribute a lot of that to the fact that I have been feeling crummier and crummier as the days pass. I felt really blessed in the beginning because my main symptom was being tired, which is easily cured by sleeping more. But about at 7 1/2 weeks, the more yucky feelings started being more constant. I would get pretty sick if my stomach gets empty, but food in general is unappealing. I force myself to eat as often as possible, but then I just think of how the calories are adding up, which is frustrating because with my injured foot I really haven't been able to exercise much. I know I am going to put on weight while pregnant of course, but I really want to stay fit and healthy, not just for myself but for my baby too! I don't want the weight gain to just be from excessive eating, but rather from me eating extra GOOD food to help the development of my child. But, my main food aversion is to vegetables. Go figure. I order them at restaurants and bring them to work to snack on, but I can't ever make myself eat them. I'm sure that contributes to feeling like junk...Come to think of it, I think it's about time I start taking the belly pictures, before I gain too much non-baby weight that it makes me look further along than I am!
My mood swings have been pretty hard on me too. I'm sure it doesn't help that I am sick and frustrated at my foot, but the hormones are dealing me a pretty rough hand. I am short with Zach and get irritated easily, which makes me feel horrible. So I apologize and vow to myself to control it better. The next second I am whining about feeling crummy. Thankfully, I have a loving and forgiving husband, but I know he notices the big change. In everyday life, I strive pretty hard to treat him well and I try not to complain a lot, so this is bringing out some of the bad in me!
On top of mood swings, I have weird depressive feelings. I knew they were a possible side effect, but I have been thinking more about postpartum depression than having to deal with it right now. It is a crazy sensation because I have the sad/upset feeling, but then the other half of my mind realizes it's just a depressive feeling/mood swing, so then I'm really not that upset. It's a total jumble of emotion.
I'm also still tired quite a bit, which makes me feel like a lazy bum. I never want to cook dinner, and I hate that because then we eat out more, spend more money, eat less healthy, and I really still want to be a homemaker-type wife who makes dinner at night! This may sound silly, but I do pride myself on that!
On a lighter note, I get so happy when I see babies in public. I can pretty much always make them smile at me, which makes me feel so good inside. Zach notices babies when we are out too and will make different comments about them. He seems to be getting more and more excited and has accepted all that is happening. One day, after many of my coworkers found out I was pregnant and kept talking to me about it, I got home and couldn't stop talking about babies for like 6 hours. That night, I apologized to Zach that that was all I talked about all day. His response blew me away and made me so happy. He said something to the effect that he doesn't mind anymore and he actually likes talking about it. :) (Before he had fully come around, and when I had and I talked about it all the time, it used to bug him a little...)
Another exciting thing is my first OB appointment is finally scheduled! Monday I go in for tests with an MA, but my official first appointment is July 3rd, right before we leave on vacation! My doctor is out of the country, which is a bummer because the receptionist said he normally likes to see patients at 8-10 weeks, which means we would have gone in a lot sooner. At least at the appointment I will almost be 12 weeks, almost done with the first trimester! Looking at it that way makes it seem like it is going by fast. That appointment will come soon, then finding out the sex is like 4-8 weeks after that, then I will be showing and getting bigger, and it will be going by faster than it has been the last couple weeks. :)

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Marathon attempt

Part of me doesn't really want to write this post because I am not entirely satisfied with the results of this day. The other part of me thinks that it will be good to remember the details and move forward. That part of me thinks it will be good to write out how I feel about the race for future reference.
I woke up this morning at 2:30 and got ready for my first marathon. I felt well prepared, rested enough, and had all the essentials and some extras packed and ready to go. In the back of my mind, I was still worried about my foot/ankle injury because I had awoken about four times in the night and it was irritated some. I didn't want to voice these concerns because I had already made up my mind to just race and take it as it comes.
*Two weeks ago, I ran a twenty miler. I felt awesome, had a great time, ran through wind and rain so I figured nothing could stop me, and I did not get sore...however, a day or so later, my foot started to hurt. I figured it was a little tired and would get better. I rested it and did not run right away. It got worse. I googled the symptoms and possible causes and what it was, and I self-diagnosed myself with peroneal tendonitis. I did not run for those two weeks, I iced, I used a brace, I swam and biked to keep my fitness level up, and I checked in with my chiropractor for any info. He said that's probably what it was, he checked for stress fractures and there were none, he said I could probably run, but if it was hurting pretty bad at mile 18, know when to stop.
Anyway, Zach dropped me off, took a quick pic, and wished me luck. It was weird heading towards the herd of people completely by myself. I kept glancing around like I might know someone, but I didn't...I got on the bus and had an enjoyable conversation with a lady who has ran over 50 marathons. I was feeling confident. Once we arrived at the starting line, I found my friend Deney and we waited until the start of the race, chatting with other marathoners gathered around a small ground fire. It was a good time, I had butterflies, and I was extremely excited.
Once we started running, I took off. I hadn't run in two weeks and felt good, so I couldn't help it. I had previously determined that I would need to be careful in the beginning because my adrenaline would be propelling me. But, I was running at speeds I trained at, so I thought I would be okay. My heart rate got up so fast by mile one that I was worried. I slowed my pace and walked a couple times over the next few miles to get my heart rate to slow down some. It worked. I felt great by mile five and prepared to have a great race. Mile seven had a two mile hill. I regrettably needed to use the john, but it came and went, so every time I waited in line, I waited about ten seconds and decided to keep going.
About mile ten is when I started to worry that my foot wouldn't make it. I could feel the sensitivity in the beginning, but had faith in my blessings and hope that I would be okay. Around mile ten the sensitivity increased to more of a pain. I started to favor it. By mile thirteen, I was hurting. Not only was my injured foot hurting, but other parts of my legs and right foot were hurting because of my compensation. After I passed the half-marathon mark, I was passed by the 4:30 pacer group. I thought, okay, I probably can't make my first goal, but I can stick with these guys and still finish with my secondary goal. I need to mention that I had been fighting the need for a bathroom this whole time. At the halfway point, there were lots of bathrooms so I stopped since there was no wait. The 4:30 group obviously passed, but I thought I could hang close. Then reality set in.
I started alternating between walking and running because my legs were tightening from the favoring of the foot, and I couldn't put a lot of pressure on my left foot. It was at this point that I started watching for my family support group for encouragement. By mile fifteen I was walking more than running, and I was looking for my family more for the option to stop. I didn't see them, so I kept going. I was looking pretty pathetic at this point because I could barely put pressure on my foot. Somehow the thought of "only 11 more miles" crossed my mind, but really, how can you do eleven miles with only one foot for the weight distribution?
Throughout this time frame, so many thoughts were running through my mind.
"I can make it."
"I can't believe I hurt this bad. I have never gotten sore in my training runs."
"Perhaps this is to protect my baby."
"Aerobically I feel awesome."
"Should I stop or not?"
"If I see my family, do I get a ride or get encouragement?"
"I should have tried to just do the half."
"How does it hurt this bad after all the care and rest?"
"I reassured everyone I would stop if it got bad."
"I just need to be tougher. People always fight through pain."
"Could this cause a bad injury or just hurt?"
"Is it better to quit now, or limp/walk my way to the finish line and finish an hour and a half after my goal time for my first marathon when I know I could have gotten pretty darn close to my goal time if I was healthy?"
"I will miss out on the finisher medal if I quit."
"I know my family will be supportive, but is this a disappointment since they came all the way up to support?"
"Will Zach say I told you I didn't think you should run?"
"Will I ever want to do another one?"
"I want to do another one."
It was such a mental battle, but by mile eighteen I almost couldn't walk. I was stopping almost every twenty feet to take the pressure off my feet and somewhat stretch my tight legs. Still hadn't seen my family by the aid station at mile nineteen, so I figured they must be just ahead and kept going. About a half mile later, I thought I couldn't keep going. But I basically had to keep going to get help. After the fact, I realized I should have returned to the previous aid station....At this point I was having people stop quite often, offering encouragement and pain meds, which I can't take due to my pregnancy. Almost all told me to keep going and just finish, which caused me to reevaluate my decision to stop every time. But I confirmed in my head that it is worse for me to limp my way to the finish, take way more time, and basically finish indicating that I wasn't well prepared and have a terrible time for my first marathon. I came out of the canyon, watching for the twenty one mile aid station for the last mile and a half, hoping to see help or my family. I was done seeing the pity on the faces of the people passing me, and I was done being told to keep going, because I could hardly walk. I finally got to the aid station, where another man was waiting for transport, and I used the phone to call Zach. They were right down the road, so they came and got me.
I was so immensely grateful for the way they all greeted me. Zach, Mom and Dad, and Scott were all there. There were smiles and cheers and lots of support for the decision I made. They agreed it wasn't worth limping for another hour and a half just to say I finished. Zach said it made him even more proud that I actually made the decision to stop. That made me feel so much better too.
I know people will think, "it was only five more miles, you could have done it," but that's not how I wanted to complete my first marathon. I want to run strong over the finish line with a good time that I can be proud of. I want to be able to say I did well. I want to prove that I really did train well, because I did this time and it bugs me that I looked like an amateur. (Even though that is what I am, I still pride myself in knowing what I was doing and training right for it.)
At this point, I cannot say when I will sign up again because I am pregnant, and honestly a little burned out of training and the disappointment. However, knowing myself, the thought and desire to finish will linger. We will see if and when I decide to test my luck again, just give me a bit. :)

Sunday Morning:
I woke up more upset over yesterday than I was when it actually happened. I still can't walk on my foot, but I know I am going to race again. I am thinking St. George Marathon 2013 because I will have time to train after having the baby and it will help me bring my sexy back. :) The only problem with this is it is still like a year and a half away and I'm already ready to get started!