Wednesday: We had recovery time at the hospital. I was physically exhausted, so the day kinda passed in a blur. I do remember the nurses coming to get Terran in the middle of the night for tests, and I didn't like it. Terran had a moment in the middle of the night where he cried and didn't stop right away - which was the first time he didn't stop on our first try of changing his diaper and feeding him. I ended up holding him and swaying with him until he calmed down and fell asleep. I felt nervous that I couldn't help him, I felt joy at being able to calm him down, and I felt like I was running on empty because I hadn't really slept in two days.
Thursday: The lactation consultant came in to check on us, and I really feel like she messed up the rhythm Terran and I had going, because after her visit, we started struggling and it didn't get much better til Tuesday or Wednesday. The pediatrician also came in to check on Terran, and we requested that his circumcision be done that day. I wasn't really prepared for the emotional toll that would take on me. I distracted myself at first when they took him, but soon I was pacing my hospital room, distraught at the pain my baby was probably experiencing. It broke my heart to see it when they were finished and I was sad every time I changed his diaper. However, it did heal fairly quickly. We were able to stop using gauze by about Tuesday, and by Thursday or Friday he didn't even really need Vaseline anymore.
Also on Thursday, we were supposed to get Terran's baby pictures taken at the hospital. The photographer was a lot later than planned and everything was ready for us to go home. Zach was a bit impatient and I was still feeling bad about Terran's circumcision. I almost wanted to cancel taking the pictures, but didn't want to regret it. I didn't want to change him out of his clothes either, because that would upset him. But, that was basically the photographer's whole plan, so I let her - the whole time feeling terrible for letting him cry again. I am so glad we got the pictures taken! We were able to view them the next day, and I cried through the whole slide show. I seriously could not watch it without crying, so I walked away. Later, I watched it by myself and the tears just poured out. Our sweet child is so perfect and beautiful. The love we have for him is truly indescribable.
After his pictures were finished, we were ready to head home! Zach got the car and we loaded him in. We passed the car seat check and were on our way. Driving away was surreal, knowing that we were leaving the safety and security of the hospital and knowing that we were indeed parents. I shed some more tears at this point. We thought that Terran would hate his car seat, but he fell right asleep for the whole drive.
Friday: My dad was able to come up once he got off of work. I was so excited for him to meet his new grandson. He kept reminding me of what a miracle our little boy was. Friday was also the day I became engorged. It was insane! I know what everyone says about engorgement, but it was really hard to imagine how it would really be. It was hard and painful, and it made it hard for Terran to eat. Hot washclothes probably helped relieve the pain best. The weight made my back hurt, and it didn't help that I struggled to sit back while I nursed. I'm afraid back pain may just become a constant in my life...
Saturday: Terran had his first spit up - all down the front of me. He ended up spitting up three times. Right after I finished cleaning it up each time, he would spit up again. I felt terrible for him, but not really sure how it could have been prevented.
Sunday: My engorgement was mostly gone.
Monday: Even though my engorgement was gone, I noticed that my nipple pain seemed more intense. This really concerned me because I couldn't tell if it was a latch problem or the normal soreness, or something else. I really didn't know what to do and I was really frustrated with it. On a better note, we were able to get some better sleep for the first time. :)
Tuesday: I determined that by constantly wearing breast pads, it was causing my nipple pain. I read that you should not wear them all the time and that they needed to "air out," essentially. I had also been using Lanolin religiously, but reading a few things indicated that rubbing the breast milk on the nipple was the best thing you could do to help them heal. So, I did what was suggested.
Wednesday: My nipples were feeling much better - so lesson learned there. Now I am extremely hesitant to use breat pads at all, which has added a different frustration. They leak during each feeding and if I go too long in between feedings. I am still working on figuring out the best way to combat this issue...Today Terran was much more awake in the morning and early evening. It was really cool to see him be active and looking around. Zach keeps saying that that is one of the coolest things about our kid - he can just hang out and have a good time without making a huge fuss. Terran also had his longest stretch of sleeping tonight. Still not too long, but longer than his day naps.
Thursday: Terran has been awake for the majority of the day. Wednesday he had an awake morning, but today he was awake a lot longer. I also weighed myself today. I had gained about 45 pounds throughout the pregnancy (which concerned me quite a bit), and today I was already 25 pounds lighter. It has been quite a relief with how my body is recovering. I still have a nice little pregnancy pouch, but I'm pretty optimistic with losing the weight.
I feel like I did experience the "baby blues." I would usually start to feel really sad around six or so in the evening. I don't know if the darkness triggered it or what. I tried to tell Zach when I felt it, and he was able to help me feel better. Also, when my mom was here, she would often be keeping my company during feedings around that time, so she helped me get through it just by talking with me. I feel like those sad periods stopped about Wednesday or Thursday.
One thing that has given me immense amount of joy is Zach's natural ease at being an amazing father. In the hospital, I witnessed his awe with his child and the love he already felt. On our second date, Zach looked at me with an emotion in his eyes that I couldn't define until later. During our marriage, I have seen it a number of times, and it is best described as love. I saw that look in his eyes when he was holding and looking at Terran, and I knew that he was a happy dad. He surprised me with his abilities to change and care for Terran and his total patience when Terran would cry. I always knew Zach would be a good dad, but to have him be so excellent right from the beginning made me so happy!
Terran's first bath at home - this one I think he rather enjoyed. Zach is very good at giving baths - I'm a litte nervous to learn to do it all by myself!
Lovin' his double chin:
Chillin with Grandma:
Hanging out with Daddy:
Nate, Meg, and the kids came to meet Terran. He just hung out with them, the perfect little baby. :)
I love my little boy!