"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

My One-Month Old

Terran was a month old last Friday. It is so amazing to watch him develop every day. I swear I have seen his arms filling out with chub since two days ago...

*He focuses his eyes on things around him - most noticeably on my face throughout the day.
*He has a high pitched scream when he has a bubble that needs to come up.
*He can hold his head off of my chest for minutes at a time.
*He smiles and laughs in his sleep.
*He likes to kick and push against everything. I put my had at the bottom of his feet and he will push against them for quite some time.
*He about jumped out of my arms one day as I was burping him.
*He loves to hold my fingers. He will hold and squeeze both as he tries to go number 2. Pretty funny stuff. Sad when he isn't successful. :(
*He has become pretty consistent at having 3 1/2 - 4 hour eat/sleep cycles at night. Trust me, that feels like a lot sometimes...
*Always turns his head to the left.
*Has bad air problems - I think he would sleep through the night if he didn't wake up to gas pains. I can hear and feel his belly gurgle. Feeding can take forever because he swallows a lot of air sometimes so every couple minutes I have to take him off and burp him. Sometimes that burp takes a good twenty minutes to come up. I have learned the hard way to be patient and wait it out, even if he resists and throws a little fit.
*His eyes are blue!
*He has started to bald on top of his head, but the rest is still soft and brown.
*He picks and chooses when he will take the binky. I only like to give it to him to lull him to sleep for naptime or to hold him off for a minute until I can feed him.
*He has been making new sounds the last couple of days - getting ready to start talking instead of just various cries. He has a high pitched little scream/squawk that has been constant from the beginning. That is Zach's favorite - makes him laugh everytime.
*Not sure how much he weighs, but barely behind his five month old cousin Kenton who is 14 pounds.
*We listen to country together and I sing to him all my favorite songs. I think my voice is actually starting to sound pretty good... We also like church music. He wasn't a fan of Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber the other day...
*He has started grabbing my clothes and hair. Last night my hair was in a braid and he grabbed the whole thing and just held on.
*He is very good at imitating animal sounds - horses, chipmunks, raptors.
*He likes to fake-sleep on my chest. He tricks everyone into thinking he is asleep, the opens his eyes all wide and is totally alert.
*He gives (or I steal) kisses when he is hungry. I kiss he cheeks - he will turn looking for food and I snag one right then.
*Zach says he has my eyes, ears, and fingernails. I say he has Zach's lips, nose, and gas. :)

I feel like I could go on all day. He really is constantly changing, and although it is partly exciting to watch, it is scary to me that I will forget the little details. He is a very good little boy and the only time he cries or is fussy has to do with burps, toots, or poos. I thank Heavenly Father every day for a healthy, strong, and wonderful little boy.

Here are a bunch of pictures of our babe. Thank heavens for camera phones - that is where all of these are from. Zach sneaked some of me with my little boy. I'm happy to have these because there really aren't a lot of the two of us together so far.



Monday, February 18, 2013


My wonderful sister-in-law Megan text me on Saturday, the 9th, and asked if I wanted to take her place at a 90 min facial appointment. She had too much to do and couldn't make it. Initially, I thought how I couldn't possible be gone for that amount of time because Terran might need something. But I decided that I ought to go and that Zach could handle it and I would just hurry home.

Prior to the facial, I had been venting to Zach about how I was overwhelmed. There are so many emotions involved with having a new baby and mentally I felt like I had too much going on in there. Between all the worries and thoughts about our child, I also have personal things on my mind. Exercise, my body, running errands, etc. Sometimes it just all adds up.

As I went to get the facial, I was completely impressed with the spa and they treated me extremely well. I had wondered what on earth they could do to my face for 90 minutes, but it turns out in that 90 minutes there is also an arm, hand, neck, and scalp massage. I laid on that table getting pampered and blessing dear Megan. This gift from her could not have come at a better time in my life. It totally recharged me and I was telling myself that I should probably get one of those more often. I quickly changed my mind when I found out how much it cost (thankfully Megan, actually Tanner, had won it and got it for free, otherwise I would have felt terrible!) but, it was perfect in the moment.

My Valentines

My dear Zachary was out of town for Valentine's day again - second year running. Our little Terran decided he would try to make up for it.

To start the day off well, he slept good through the night - eating in 4 hour blocks. He then decided to wake up with gas cramps and poop a bunch. Then spit up his whole meal on me and the recliner. Then, after we both got cleaned up, he thought it would be fun to spit up again. As the day progressed, he peed all over twice more and had quite the blowout. Six outfits into the day, we were snuggling up before bed. Terran had followed my newly implemented schedule almost to the minute. He ended our wonderful day together with a chuckle in his sleep. This little boy has stolen my heart. :)

As a tribute to Zach, I have to mention that although he isn't home on Valentine's, he always sends me the sweetest text first thing in the morning. Both years I read the text several times and let a tear or two come to my eye. He sure knows how to eloquently express his undying love for me. Such a lucky girl I am.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

4:50 am is normal

Here it is, 4:50 am, I am drinking me a Pero with Irish Creme and eating an onion bagel. Seeing as my child is up and not going to sleep anytime soon, I decided to update my blog a little bit.

Zach is in New Mexico for the week for some radiation training, and he took my computer. So, I am forced to do all computer work on his museum-ready ancient laptop.

Where do I even begin? It has been over a week since my last post and my days are filled with exciting things like getting pooped on and spit up all over. Among the excitement are hours spent staring at my beautiful child. The days pass so quickly, but when I look back and try to explain what I have done, it is hard to recount what made the last ten hours fly by.

After Amanda and the kids left, I had a day before Zach's parents came up. We were so excited to see them because it had been months! They hadn't been able to meet Terran because they both got sick the weekend after he was born. Zach was able to spend a couple days with them before he left. Sandy decided to stay with me for the week since Zach was going to be gone. We have spent time with Nate and Meg and the kids and we have also spent some good time chatting. These types of visits are great because we have the down time to talk about anything and everything. Sandy has told me stories of her circumstances of becoming a nurse and stories about being a nurse, how Stan became a building inspector, how Zach was taken from her right at birth because he needed extra suctioning, how Alaina was her busiest child, inside the womb and out. Their uncle called her "Hurricane Lain." She talked of Zach's grandpa, their childhood, her family. Things I didn't know or remember. She traveled a lot with her mom and the kids when they were all younger, but Stan had to stay home and work. Although they did not have a lot of money, it was very important to her to do different things with the kids, so they made it work.

Isn't life such a great and interesting thing? She has so many wonderful experiences and stories. Her life has been rich with blessings and trials. What is frustrating to me is that a lot of the little details in our lives become forgotten, especially for me. I hope in the after life we are able to remember things much more clearly.

Here is Grandma Sandy with Terran and Olivia:

Also in the last week, Terran and I have experimented with a few new things. I ordered a humongous shipment of baby items from Target (I love the option of online shopping so I don't have to take Terran out into the RSV, pertussis, flu infested world!). Among the numerous items, I received a Moby wrap. I was hesitant at first if it was worth the $40, but Terran has burped and fallen asleep in it pretty much every time. For the burps alone it is worth the money! He has air issues - if he doesn't burp, he spits up his entire meal. He also has a pretty constantly rumbling tummy that makes some serious gas buildup that then causes him pain and frustration (at least that is what it seems like). Because of all this, anything that helps the air exit his little body faster is very welcome.

We also went on our first walk. This was the day that Stan and Sandy came. I decided to sneak in a quick walk to deliver some thank you cards before they got here and while the weather was nice. He fell right to sleep. It got a little chilly by the end, so I was high-tailing it home so he would be okay. He was. :) It was the best day to go, because since then it has been too cold for me to even want to go. I am so torn if winter is a good time to have a baby - the cons are the abundant sickness, gloomy weather that contributes to the baby blues, and it is hard (at least for me) to take the baby outside in the cold weather. However, the pros include enough time to get my body back for summer (hopefully!) and he should be old enough by the summer time to enjoy it a little more - playing in the yard, going to the pool, etc.

I had read that it is really important to provide stimulation for your baby. I knew this, but I didn't realize how early it would be beneficial. Since our house it pretty much all tan and dark brown, I figured a little color in Terran's life would be good. Zach and I found a pretty sweet activity gym - at least we gambled that it was sweet as we purchased it online. When it arrived, I set it up and I really have already seen Terran progress in his development. The first time he did not look or focus on anything, but as time goes it looks like he is looking at the different shapes and colors and notices when I turn the music on.

I am a little frustrated at either my camera, my photo taking skills, or just the artificial-ness of photos when it comes to my little Terran. I just cannot capture his absolute cuteness or adorable-ness. But I do try -

Lindsey sent Terran the cutest outfit and onesie - he already christened his Under Armour one with some secretions...

My little man likes to sleep in our big bed! Zach discovered that if he sleeps on his side, it allows him to toot during his whole nap, alleviating a lot of pressure. I have since tried to have him do it several times - it usually works wonders.


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Something funny?

Terran charmed us with his first laugh on Sunday. He even timed it perfectly with one of Scott's jokes! Since then, he has laughed twice more. It is always in his sleep, so I have no idea what causes it. I'm excited to see him laugh and smile in response to us or his surroundings. It seriously makes me so overjoyed to see the look of happiness on his face and to hear his laugh!

Terran's umbilical cord finally fell off. I think it was Friday or Saturday, like two and a half weeks old. It has scabbed over and fell off twice more. I tried to clean it tonight during his bath, and there is still stuff stuck on it, but it looks pretty clean and I don't think it will scab any more.

My mom and I cleaned out Terran's newborn stuff. I realized on Monday as I put him in an outfit that he just didn't fit in them anymore. I'm sure I could make them work, but it makes me claustrophobic to see a onesie so tight on him. We even had to put away some of the 0-3 month stuff. He is filling out in his legs and arms now and it is just adorable!

Terran has also been fussing a lot in his sleep. It could be gas, but as soon as I pick him up, he calms right down. This has happened three nights in a row now and all day yesterday. I'm not sure why, but I hope he doesn't have issues sleeping in his crib when the time comes for that!

I ran my first mile two Mondays ago - so the day before Terran turned two weeks old. It felt awesome, except for the added weight on the front. I'm not sure what I am going to do about that. I have since ran one more time. I would love to do more, but it is hard with trying to plan around Terran's still-inconsistent schedule, our visitors, and the weather. I'm very interested to see how I can work in exercise. I think it has started to wear on me that I am not working out, but at the same time my lack of exercise makes my body resistent to doing anything extra.

I feel like Zach and I are still adjusting to the change in our routine. We have had visitors and his work schedule has been later this week, so we really haven't had a chance to really feel what our day to day will be like, but we have had a glimpse. Zach comes home from work, I try to have dinner ready for him, we play with Terran for a bit, then get ready for bed. Once we get a consistent schedule with Terran, I hope to be able to focus on making sure Zach and I still have our special time together as well. Right now it feels like we are just trying to get everything in each day.

We have had more progress in the breastfeeding area. I still have pain, but the last two days I have glimpsed what it would be like without it and with Terran and I both knowing what is going on. This has happened before, so I just hope we don't regress and we just continue to get better.

I took Terran outside for the first time beside putting him in the car. I wanted to get outside and the driveway needed some shoveling, so I bundled him up good and brought him out in the bouncer. I checked him every couple minutes, but he just slept the entire time. He was also quite warm (I made sure of that), but once I brought him back in I had to strip him down because his little body was quite toasty. I included the before, during, and after pics. I was pretty proud of myself for being able to successfully take him outside. I totally have the first-mom paranoia about everything. Going outside, being around people, etc. all gives me a little bit of anxiety.

My little guy was indeed up at 2 am. I believe it was actually 1:52, so we were a little early to the party...
Amanda and the kids came to meet Terran and stay for the week. I am so glad they made the trip out. We got some quality family time in. My mom and dad came up, and Scott came over on Saturday and Sunday. We did a little Superbowl action on Sunday, with Zach and Scott making shrimp and steak and hot wings - it was kinda nice to have them cook! Sadly, I only took one picture. Bailey was doing Zach's hair, and he was such a good uncle to just let her while he watched the game. :)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Being a mom

Friday, February 1st, 2013

In the past week, I have realized that I am eating a lot of my old opinions and judgements. I thought before I had kids that my blog would not become all about them once they were born - and yet, here it is - all about my sweet Terran and my experience as a mom. I guess I didn't realize how completely he would take over my life. He is what I think about constantly; when he last ate, if his tummy hurts, when he will sleep, if I should wake him up, if he is warm enough, whether he can recognize me or my voice, what will he look like as he gets older, etc. The list is endless. There are other little things I could focus on, but they never seem to gain priority. I take care of the essentials, like paying the bills and cleaning house, but the rest keeps getting put on the back burner.

I also thought it was silly for the dad to get up in the night to help, especially if he is working. However, I do see how it could be beneficial. Zach wanted me to start pumping so he could get up on the weekends to help. Some part of me resists bottle feeding, and I can't exactly determine why. But, since one of my nipples has a pretty deep cut in it, I started pumping and occasionally feed him the bottle. The first time he spit the entire amount up. I think he ate it way too fast. Since then, I periodically take it out of his mouth to let him swallow and relax for a second. It has been good so far. Zach mentioned trying to have him get up this weekend, we will see if I can let it happen. I'm a little worried my motherly concern wouldn't let me sleep through his cries or fussing anyway...

I noticed in my last posts I failed to mention an extremely important memory. I am pretty sure my words will not do the experience justice, but if I can just remember what happened and how it felt, I will be happy. When we were in the hospital, I was constantly up with him day and night, making sure everything was okay. Since it really isn't possible to run on no sleep though, I started taking little naps. My mom helped position Terran with me on the bed, and we both napped. We did this twice, and he would snuggle into my body and we would doze together. Now, I know that doctors frown on co-sleeping (at least my pediatrician said not to do it at our two-week appointment this week), and I don't feel that it is exactly safe either. That is why I will cherish the couple of times we did in the hospital because it was so new but comfortable and special. I don't ever plan to have him sleep in our bed when we are sleeping, but I never want to forget those special moments we had.

On the flip side of the wonderful life of being a new mother and the special experiences that will be had, I have also had a really hard time the first couple of weeks. The lack of sleep, though known and expected, has really worn on me. I think the reason it is such a big deal is because the amount of time that I will go without getting a full nights rest is completely unknown. I have always been a regular eight-hour-per-night type of girl and I function very well like that, so this has been hard.
Little Terran also has bad gas. I can't tell if it has something to do with my diet (the doctor said most likely not), or if it is how he feeds, or if it is genetic - Zach's reputation in this area should be descriptive enough for the problems our child might have. But, since I do not know exactly what is causing it, it is extremely frustrating and hard to see my little guy in pain or to feel and hear his insides gurgling and rumbling with excess air.
Terran also got a burning bum twice now. I am quite sure this can be attributed to what I have eaten - one night I had some tomatillo dressing that had jalepeno in it, another night I had tamales. I didn't realize they would affect him so bad, but he was screaming when we would change him. We used Desitin and sensitive wipes that helped a ton. Just last night I changed to using Vaseline, and that is a lot easier to clean and I think his bum is doing better. But now I am not sure exactly what not to eat!
Breastfeeding has also been quite the trial. I am constantly praying for help in this area because it has been such a struggle. I knew it could be painful, so I was somewhat prepared for that. But with the cut in my nipple and the soreness and the leaking, it has worn on me too. I also am quite sure I got a clogged milk duct at one point (I think the pumping helped that). Then there are the times there is no pain and it really is a good experience. I then get my hopes up, and we take a few steps back the next day with more nipple soreness, him not eating regular or enough at one sitting, etc.
Last night all of these frustrations came to a head. I had only slept a couple hours the night before, and then last night he was not acting tired at all. He had two bouts of fussiness where we could not determine the cause. Then he threw up his whole stomach of milk. I was trying tummy time for the first time, (which I have stressed over a little - when to start, if it will hurt him, etc) when he had his huge spit up. Then he spit up pretty much every time he ate. He spit up down my shirt. He spit up in his bassinet. He cried and whimpered and would not sleep. I was sick with worry, struggling with fatigue, and getting frustrated. Then I had my first little breakdown. I cried. I think it was when I was changing his clothes for the seventh time - between four times of peeing on himself (I even had him covered a few of those times) and all the spit ups. I didn't know what to do to help him feel better, I was worried about feeding him since he was just spitting up, and I was totally exhausted. I let a few tears fall, grabbed some Kleenex, and changed him again. I said several prayers last night to get through it, and eventually he had two long bouts of sleeping. I finally got a little sleep and woke up somewhat refreshed. After showering off the different spit ups that had only previously been baby-wiped off, I felt ready to face the day. Thankfully, he seems to be doing much better today and I am quite certain his problem is with excess air in his system. I have been burping him more during feedings and I think it is helping.

I am so thankful to have prayer and the Lord to turn to when I don't know what else to do. I really feel that helped me through our rough night. To see Terran feeling much better today brings me so much joy.

Looking at these pictures also brings me so much joy...there are some times he is awake, I promise. :)

 This is their favorite way to hang out:
 After our first outing alone together:
We had his two week checkup. It just so happened there was a snow storm that day so I made sure he was bundled. He did amazing the whole day. He only cried when they poked his foot to draw blood, but he calmed down really quick. The doctor said he was perfect. Weight: 9 lb 15.5 oz - gaining weight - that is good! 84%. Height: 22 inches - 90% Head: 64%. He is doing so amazing!
After his checkup, I had to run to my doctor for some FMLA paperwork. I had been stressed about taking him out for so long and if he would need to be changed or fed. I fed him at his doctor's office while we were waiting and he slept and was content the rest of our outing. He is such a good little boy!