"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Monday, August 25, 2014

Dreams

I have been thinking so much about my many dreams over the last little bit. I have come to a few realizations.

1: I am currently living a lifetime dream. I am a stay at home mom which is what I have always wanted. I told Zach on one of our phone calls recently (he is in Missouri again for a couple weeks) "thanks for letting me live my dream." He was a little confused but as I explained, the reality of it sank even deeper for me. Even though it is hard, there are so many moments in the day that I know I would miss if I wasn't home with Terran. We couldn't play at the pool, me watching his huge grin and listening to his huge squeal. We wouldn't take our daily naps together, him often waking up and finding me with a huge smile on his face. I wouldn't be able to bring him to visit his grandparents as often and witness the amazing bond he is forming with them. I know I would see a part of these things, but not in the entirety that I get to by being home with him. As I contemplate my other dreams and aspirations I have in this life, this is still number one. I am so glad and thankful that I am able to do it. Zach's support both emotionally and financially makes it possible and that means the world to me.

2: Another dream I have been dwelling on a lot lately is getting more education. I often miss the learning experience I had in college and think of ways to get that back. I feel that as far as actually pursuing a graduate degree, that will wait until at least when my children are in school full time. I know there are things I can do now to continue learning and those are the things I will focus on. In a way, this is a great plan and path because I have been set on becoming a math teacher and maybe a college professor. I still think about that, but I wonder if I will end up going a different route. I think if I wait to pursue that education until I will be able to utilize it, I will have a more sure direction of where I want to go. (I have recently been noticing more and more how much I really like change!)

3: Of my current daydreams, I have been envisioning becoming a pro triathlete. I do not love to admit that to a lot of people because there are so many ways people take that. They may think it is impossible, they may encourage me to do everything it takes to do it, they may not understand, they may scoff, who really knows. The thing is, for me, I truly think I would have the mental and physical capacity to achieve that goal. I have thought a lot about pursuing it lately and have come to a few conclusions. First of all, I don't want to sacrifice the majority of my time with Terran or our other children to achieve it. Also, I don't want to cripple our finances, especially if I have my first reservation. Another concern I have is that we plan to have more children and I don't want to have races dictate that more than what our family dynamic needs. Meaning, I don't want competing to become more important than having a family. But, I have decided that the next best thing that I can do is take the time I already dedicate to exercise and become more efficient to become a better athlete. I want to focus on winning my age group in various races and go from there. This can be done around having children without adding the stress of races, seasons, and qualifications as much. I feel that in the time I already spend, and if I better utilize some of my other time, I can research and exercise at a better level and truly be competitive.

As I have evaluated where I am at and what is important to me, this is what I came up with. I know that my family will always come first. "Me time" is still important and that is why it is still included. I feel I can have the best of all of my dreams by planning around them this way. I am excited for life and what it will bring! :)

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