"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Pregnancy and miscarriage

Near the end of January I found out I was pregnant!  We had been trying since October and I was glad it finally happened. It was just Terran and I at my parent's house when I couldn't stand the suspense or waiting any longer and I took a test a day earlier than I thought I should. Terran was playing with toys and I was preparing myself for a negative while waiting for the test to work. It looked like there was only one line, but then slowly and surely another line appeared. I started exclaiming and cheering to Terran and he got all excited.  I grabbed the test and told him that it meant there was a baby growing in my tummy. He would scream and run around the house and we were both laughing! He even remembered the next day and went a grabbed my test, exclaiming and pointing to my belly. I called Zach shortly after I took the test (he was in Guam). I definitely prefaced the whole thing wrong because I said how the line was really faint, but I am pregnant. He didn't really think I was pregnant for a few more weeks because of it. :)

My doctor was retiring so he wasn't accepting new pregnancies so I set an appointment with a new OB on a Wednesday. I went in at 8 weeks 5 days. As we were doing the ultrasound looking for a heartbeat, it was taking a while and he told me he was a little worried. I hadn't really prepped myself for the possibility so I was just silent as he searched. He then measured the babe and I saw on the screen it said 6 weeks 5 days and I knew the baby was too small since I was further along than that. He pulled away and explained I was probably having a miscarriage. I felt like I held it together really well. After some of the medical specifics were discussed I asked if running the half marathon had anything to do with it. That's when I got a few tears because that would be so hard for me if it was my fault. He immediately explained that it had nothing to do with it and it was the genetic makeup that would make it not be able to survive. Essentially, there was nothing I could do to have changed the outcome.
Obviously that made me feel a little better.
I couldn't talk to Zach since it was 2 in the morning in Guam, so I shot him an email and headed home. I was a little numb but handling things really well.
The bleeding started Friday, with cramps intensifying Saturday night, and getting worse with the passing of big clots on Sunday. The pain and thought of that little baby I saw on the screen leaving my body made me more sad than I had been.

I had an OB appointment Monday where they determined there was still a yolk sac (?) And my options were to wait, take a prescription that would help my body pass it, or get a d&c where they go in as a surgery and take it. I opted for the natural option with the prescription as backup in hand.

The doctor shared my optimism for the possibility of another pregnancy in the near future, so I am looking forward with hope. :)

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Dogtown Half Marathon

I thought a lot about whether or not I should run the Dogtown Half again. It was my first half and I loved it so I wanted to, but I had been running a lot of races and wondered if I should cut back. In the end, I got a discount code and decided to run it! Amanda was planning on running it too, so that was exciting, but she ended up with a hurt knee and couldn't run. I was pregnant and not planning on pushing it so I had little pressure and really just wanted to enjoy myself.
I loved [almost] all of it! There was a point I needed to use the restroom and had to slow down and deal with that for a few miles. Once I was finally able to go (first time using a Porta potty during a race!) I was able to think more about the run. That was about when it got harder though! I knew I was on track for right around two hours. Since I have always been under two I decided to make sure it happened again. I knocked out the hills like a champ and it made me happy because I love hills but hadn't been training on them much. They changed the course a little bit and the last mile was a lot better so I was able to kick it into gear and finish feeling great. I saw my dad with about 50 yards to the finish line turn and couldn't keep the big smile off my face. Once I turned, Amanda was there cheering me on. I ran through the finish at 1:59 and feeling happy!
After the race I was able to introduce myself to the owner of a race pacing team here in Utah. I had been wanting to pace for a while but never got around to signing up. After meeting him, I was able to get him my info and just like that I could sign up to pace. I'm excited for the opportunity to experience a different kind of racing and become involved with the pacing aspect!








Thursday, February 19, 2015

The saddest thing

Terran cried so hard when Zach was saying goodbye today. It was the saddest thing. Zach loves his job and gets some amazing experiences with it, but when it is hard on Terran I sometimes wonder how long the traveling will continue...

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Play date

Amanda and Saydee both live in St. George so when I visit we try to get together. Sometimes it doesn't work but this time it did! Our littles are all close in age so it is a blast for them to play and for us to catch up. When we were little we used to watch the movie "Now and Then" and sleepovers and I always think about it because it was about girls who were friends as kids then still got together as adults. And look at us now....the same thing! I love it and I'm so glad we are still friends!

Late night talks with my parents

I wish I had found the time to write this post when I originally planned. The night before I had stayed up talking to my parents about all things in life. We often do this at least once every time I visit and I really enjoy their company and our discussions. They are amazing people who have come so far in life and are amazing examples to me. We talked a little bit about their childhoods, especially my dad's, and I still can't believe they are the people they are today and that they provided so well for us growing up. I'm very grateful to have them both as my parents and friends.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Father and son

People have been telling me that Zach and Terran are looking more alike. It's crazy to me that some days it is more evident than others, but it is true! Not only are they looking alike, but I have been noticing certain personality similarities as well. One night we were playing outside and Terran was doing his own thing and I had to tell Zach how they are similar. I said that Terran is openly defiant while Zach is silently defiant (when being told what to do). Zach had a good laugh but I think I am on to something there....

I think Terran looks like Zach in this picture.....he was crying for the valentine's candy I had put on the top shelf. :) He kept sneaking those caramel kisses....I think I found his favorite candy!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Skiing

I haven't skied since I got pregnant with Terran. It is one of my favorite winter past times so it was a must this year before we have another baby that needs me every few hours! I'm a bit of a cautious mom. I am not a risky pregnant person and I had a really hard time with the idea of leaving Terran for eight hours so I could go ski. His maturity and alone time with Dad finally made me realize I could go. Turns out this year is not too great for skiing, but I managed to really enjoy myself. The snow was decent, it wasn't too crowded, and the weather was great! It took me a few hours to get comfortable again. I stopped for some hot chili in a bread bowl then kept at it. My legs were shot from lunges a few days before and the morning of skiing! I called it a little early and headed home to see my family. They were fine without me. :) it's good to know their time together is fun for them and to remember that I need to make me-time a priority sometimes.

Basketball

One night I was reading through some old college articles from my bball days. It really got me missing the game I used to love so much. I reached out to a few friends who I thought might still play and luckily Steph Eves is in a couple leagues and she invited me to play! They had already started the league and I missed a few games, but I was able to play three games with the team. It was a pretty competitive league with many former college players, which made it fun! I was really reminded why I loved it so much for so long and made me wonder why I left. The three year break was good for me because a) I had a baby and b) it cured me of any burnout and made my love return! I'm excited to stay more involved and it even makes me excited for our kids (who will hopefully love it like me!).