"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."

-Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Pregnancy and miscarriage

Near the end of January I found out I was pregnant!  We had been trying since October and I was glad it finally happened. It was just Terran and I at my parent's house when I couldn't stand the suspense or waiting any longer and I took a test a day earlier than I thought I should. Terran was playing with toys and I was preparing myself for a negative while waiting for the test to work. It looked like there was only one line, but then slowly and surely another line appeared. I started exclaiming and cheering to Terran and he got all excited.  I grabbed the test and told him that it meant there was a baby growing in my tummy. He would scream and run around the house and we were both laughing! He even remembered the next day and went a grabbed my test, exclaiming and pointing to my belly. I called Zach shortly after I took the test (he was in Guam). I definitely prefaced the whole thing wrong because I said how the line was really faint, but I am pregnant. He didn't really think I was pregnant for a few more weeks because of it. :)

My doctor was retiring so he wasn't accepting new pregnancies so I set an appointment with a new OB on a Wednesday. I went in at 8 weeks 5 days. As we were doing the ultrasound looking for a heartbeat, it was taking a while and he told me he was a little worried. I hadn't really prepped myself for the possibility so I was just silent as he searched. He then measured the babe and I saw on the screen it said 6 weeks 5 days and I knew the baby was too small since I was further along than that. He pulled away and explained I was probably having a miscarriage. I felt like I held it together really well. After some of the medical specifics were discussed I asked if running the half marathon had anything to do with it. That's when I got a few tears because that would be so hard for me if it was my fault. He immediately explained that it had nothing to do with it and it was the genetic makeup that would make it not be able to survive. Essentially, there was nothing I could do to have changed the outcome.
Obviously that made me feel a little better.
I couldn't talk to Zach since it was 2 in the morning in Guam, so I shot him an email and headed home. I was a little numb but handling things really well.
The bleeding started Friday, with cramps intensifying Saturday night, and getting worse with the passing of big clots on Sunday. The pain and thought of that little baby I saw on the screen leaving my body made me more sad than I had been.

I had an OB appointment Monday where they determined there was still a yolk sac (?) And my options were to wait, take a prescription that would help my body pass it, or get a d&c where they go in as a surgery and take it. I opted for the natural option with the prescription as backup in hand.

The doctor shared my optimism for the possibility of another pregnancy in the near future, so I am looking forward with hope. :)

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