Saturday, October 31, 2015
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Yep, in June! If you read my blog you are among the lucky few who now know! I have let a few of my neighbors and friends that I see day to day know because they ask or I am feeling rotten enough that I need an excuse! I have been very surprised by the affects from the miscarriage. Although I feel like I dealt with the miscarriage really well, I didn't realize that the next time I got pregnant there would be a constant worry that there won't be a heartbeat or that I would lose this baby too. I have been itching to tell the whole family, but I keep deciding to wait until my appointment next week just to be sure that everything is okay. I had an early appointment right at 6 weeks to just check on everything before the SoJo half marathon. It was so early that there wasn't much to see, but the doctor thought he saw a flicker indicating a heartbeat and reaffirmed that I was good to continue running and it wouldn't hurt the baby. So, I have been waiting for my appointment just after 9 weeks to actually see the heartbeat and let my loved ones know!
Interestingly enough, it was September of last year when we thought we were ready to have another baby. With the miscarriage, Zach travels, and several months of trying it was a year later than we had originally thought. The interesting thing about all of that is as I am pregnant now, it is exactly the timing that I think will be perfect for our family. It reminds me that God sees the big picture and ultimately His plan is the best for us. Although we may have been ready a year ago, I believe that the timing of this baby is even better. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with Terran and learning more about him as an individual and about myself as a mother. I have been able to invest more in my relationship with Zach and discover more about myself as a person. I have fine tuned my priorities and spent time in new hobbies, as well as rekindled love for old hobbies. I have learned much and grown much and although adding another child can make me nervous some days, I feel like I am armed with more knowledge to make the transition smoothly.
Now, on to the discovery. For about four or five months I had been hoping to be pregnant each time. I had pregnancy tests ready and kept getting negatives. There were a few times those negatives were great disappointments, times where I expected it, and times where I accepted that it was how it was meant to be. This time I thought it was pretty likely I was pregnant, but I tried not to get to caught up in the thought so the disappointment wouldn't be as strong if I wasn't. I had a mental lists of the reasons it would be okay not to be pregnant. But as the days to test go closer, I had a hunch. One day I couldn't wait any longer and just went to take a test while Zach and Terran were playing. I waited until I saw the faint line, then with excitement and glee, I brought it out to the living room. A small giggle escaped my mouth as I walked through the hallway. Zach knew something was up. Again, as with Terran, I told him with a tiny bit of skepticism since the line on the 88 cent test was quite faint. He didn't seem to believe it, but I couldn't let my surety go. The next day he asked if I was going to get another test. I decided to so that he could be sure and as excited as me. So I got one (a more expensive one) the day after that, took it, got another faint line, but a line nonetheless. I showed him and he said "It didn't show me anything I didn't know." He acted like he believed me from the beginning! But at least now I could be excited a jabber about it and it was real! My due date is June 5th and it has been long enough that it all feels new and increases my excitement!
Sunday, October 25, 2015
I feel like I have been going through a hard year or two. Somehow I got down on myself a lot and became insecure with my talents and my relationships. I didn't feel that my friendships were genuine and I analyzed what was wrong with me to prevent quality friendships. These kind of thoughts snowball for me and before I knew it I was second guessing myself in several different areas of life. My over-thinking mind dwelled on the subject a lot, and though I contemplated the negative, I also recognized that it wasn't good and I was the one with the power to change it.
I started focusing less on myself and more on caring for others. I focused on my strengths and allowed myself to have weaknesses that didn't have to bring me down. I embraced new experiences to broaden my learning and my hobbies. I highlighted the good in my life. I was blessed with good friendships in my neighborhood that I fostered and appreciated. I was real with those women and we have developed friendships that are real and cherished. I made a conscious effort to focus on the positive things in my life (which are many!). I eliminated some of the social media that I felt brought me down or made me focus on negatives. I have tried to accept that though there is good and bad in the world and in life, the bad doesn't need to bring us down and the good should be highlighted and enjoyed.
Changing my thought processes and trying to eliminate the negative feelings have made a world of difference for me. I no longer worry when I meet new people whether or not they will like me. I like myself and that is what matters. As long as I am a nice and loving person who is trying to be a good and righteous person, if they do not like me, that is really not my problem. I don't second guess everything I say and talk about with people. I realize I make mistakes as a wife and mom, but I try to correct them and improve in my weak areas. I take care of myself and feel pretty that way, even if I do not get around to dressing up everyday. I have found my priorities and I focus on those to make the best life for my family.
It is my hope to maintain this mindset and remain a positive person. Life is really better this way!
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Terran: "No, I want Poppy to come."
We hadn't even talked about Poppy coming!
Monday, October 12, 2015
|With Cowboy Dad after his first morning moving cows.|
|The kids riding bikes in the front yard.|
|Climbing on the big trucks.|
|The only time I think I will ride on one of these spinning rides. They make me SO sick, but how could I say no?|