This year has been full of so much for me. The last few days I have stumbled across thoughts that have caused me to reflect on how much has happened for me this year.
I have had physical trials, with my miscarriage coming to mind and my current struggle with varicose pain during pregnancy. But I feel lucky to have the perspective that I am truly blessed physically. I have not been injured training and racing. This is something I'm extremely grateful for since that exercise does so much for my mind and overall approach to life. I am now successfully pregnant with a healthy, growing baby and my body is doing well.
I have had emotional trials. I struggled with insecurity. I fought to overcome those feelings and have accepted myself again for who I am and the positive things about myself. I have changed my perspective and the importance I place on what others think of me. I also had marital difficulties. I have invested a lot of thought and effort in this area. Initially it was negative thought. I came to realize how much wasted or negative thoughts I had and as I invested in searching for solutions and working with Zach, I feel that we have made tremendous progress in building a beautiful love that is even stronger now than our strong times before. I have realized and embraced that things are not always perfect in life but the success comes from working through the struggles and imperfections. I have realized my shortcomings and I am learning ways to overcome them to make my life and my home happy and healthy.
I have invested in myself, I have tried new things, I have evaluated my priorities. This has been huge for me this year because prior to these things, I was putting all of my efforts into making my baby happy and healthy and making a good home. Those are worthy things of my time and attention but I have searched for the balance that makes our home function as best as possible. I'm sure there are still improvements to be made, but as I have gone through this year, learning and growing, I have fine tuned my priorities in regards to family, personal investment, fitness goals, time spent outside the home, and what truly matters to me day by day. I have reaffirmed how important it is for me to stay in the home with our children, but to seek personal fulfillment while doing so. I have discovered why I love being with my children and how important it is to be present with my mind as well as body. Like I said, personal fulfillment matters and keeps things in balance, but none of the other things I would like to do (coach, teach, go back to school, win Ironmans) are worth the time away (over the long term) from my family at this stage of life.
This year has provided me with low times where I thought I was miserable, but I have also experienced real joy. The kind that is true happiness. I have learned so much about myself that it makes me excited for the future and how happy and bright it looks.